I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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