I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
