I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he thought i was a dude.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
