Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
