this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
