You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
