You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
