nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
