I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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