Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
