Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How did I end up in the pool?!
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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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