Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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