yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
