I looked at my own cervix.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
