It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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