You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
