Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
