She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
