Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
