Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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