I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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