is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
