Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
