I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize