3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
