he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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