i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
