Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
