nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
