the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Randomize
