I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
