Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
