Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
