i wish my penis had a tongue
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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