Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
