Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
