sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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