Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
