Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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