well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
