batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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