she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just made my gag reflex go away.
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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