You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
