You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
