I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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