i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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