The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
