i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
