The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
