Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
