i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
