I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
