you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize