I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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