every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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