Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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