note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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