I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
