I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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