I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize