ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
