I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
