Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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