Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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