I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
