Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
FUCK WHALES
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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