I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
