I wannas sexs uuuuu
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
